Me with mirror

At times I wish I had someone by my side who didn't judge me, held me and said, 'dear, it's ok. I'm with you. I accept you the way you are. I believe in you.' But that's not gonna be..real world doesn't work on fancies and each one of us fancy this soul-buddy.  Before I embrace the loved ones, wishing for this buddy I know I have to embrace myself.

The Dark Reality

We often live in guilt, anguish and sorrow; self affirmation and counseling in such times is incorrect. We have to be with it, accept it with grace and without remorse. There is no point preaching, don't think bad and all. Because it's a different plane and as true as the white ones. When you're positive, optimistic you don't see this aspect, so discarding the dark emotions is impractical and not feasible.

My Endeavour

I had almost given up. It was not that I thought myself to be incompetent or short of skillsets, but just that I didn't have interest in this matter. Just when I decided to take a call and quit, my friend said, 'right move, it's impossible and brought me in.

A Plastic Toy

They wanted me to behave

To always smile,

They cared not differ between

Calm and fragile

They wanted me NOT to disrespect

Shout at others

They inculcated in me

All good manners

They reduced me to a battery operated

Toy of plastic

I remember and regret now….

Was born a human(sic)

I fear

The more I know you
The more I like to hear

The less I talk with you
The more I fear!

What happened on 16th June?

Dreams Interrupted

With the kind of contacts I had back then, I wanted to be the marketing face of a new start up I was planning with my friends. I had applied for IGNOU’s study centre in Bokaro and I was hopeful of getting that (actually I got it in early months of 2007).

I remember

I was hit when I was least prepared. I could not recollect anything but the pain of head bleeding profusely. I remember a stranger, a god sent saviour, auto driver Sanjay Singh who requested his passengers to get down, take other auto so that he could take me to nearby hospital opposite St Xavier College in Ranchi.

I remember

Faces of my parents, family members, uncle and aunt who love me more than their child. I remember rage, anger, strong feeling of revenge. The trauma, the realization of lingering outcome of the brain injury, I remember who directed me to come to Delhi to pursue career. I remember my lacklustre start of my second innings with Indian Retail School which was later merged with its parent company, Pearl Academy.

I remember

Transferring that pain, anger on the closed ones. I remember what a selfless institution did to help me recover, repair the damages. In profession I came across a few awesome personalities, fiery and head straight. I remember deciding to start afresh, accepting the current situation and deciding to move on,  resolving to reclaim against odds. I remember recollecting my energies and focusing again to live my dream.

I do have anger but you ask which one I would choose, punishing those who were guilty or returning good to those who did good to me, I will beyond doubt choose the latter always.

When I discovered power of concise writing

Right through my college days, I used writing to connect with relatives and friends (I had penfriends I regret to have lost contact withL, though at times, this writing would stretch a bit.  But my friendship with a sweet and talkative girl who had come to spend summer with her elder sister in the neighbourhood led me discover the power of concise writing.

In some part of my life I was a shy guy, found it difficult to initiate a talk with a girl, even more if she was beautiful which this new neighbour definitely was! Talking to her was tough but she initiated. She dominated the talking and my part was restricted to one word aids of ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘ok’, ‘hmm’ and likes simply to convey I was listening.

In spite of her constant encouragement I found it difficult to talk to her and she had even warned me to end friendship if I failed to talk just like the way she did. My transformation to a chatterbox was impossible but I thought of a middle path because I had started liking her more than a friend.  

I gifted her a chocolate box, a crystal dolphin (she loved dolphins) and a 5”x7” Hallmark card before she left for her town. This simple card had a cute kitten peeping from the bush image on the front page and on the inside page it had set of three words (it was not ‘yes I do’ or ‘I luv u’) but it worked.

I never needed to explain my lack-of-words to her ever. I always cherish the good memories with this friend and those who may be interested in knowing, the inside page read ‘Shy but interested.’